Downton Abbey imagined a world in which Lord Grantham (and his stupid decisions) didn’t exist, and I must say I much prefer order on the estate as opposed to what might have been.
In a parody produced by ITV to raise money for different charities, Lord Grantham receives a telegram confirming that yet another investment has gone sour. He considers going for a drive to off himself, but is met by Patsy Stone the Angel (played by Joanna Lumley in a fantastic white pant suit).
Things get all A Christmas Carol, and Lord Grantham is shown what a mess downstairs would be with the new Earl running shop. Mrs. Patmore’s eyes have gone to shit, so she wears Harry Potter glasses in order to see how much of his Lordship’s brand she’s pouring into a snifter.
Moseley got some tattoo sleeves and a new lease on life, while Mr. Carson has taken a rather laid-back approach to running the household (It’s unnatural. I like him much more as a stick-in-the-mud).
“What’s all this?” Lord Grantham asks Patsy (whom I really expected to light up a cigarette because she’s Patsy). There’s a new Earl in town, and he’s a Yankee.
George Oceans Gravity, Marquess of Hollywood, married Lady Cora and has turned the place into some sort of speakeasy (with Dean Martin playing on a first edition radio). He’s all PDA with his wife in the sitting room, and it would be awkward if everyone else wasn’t so drunk off Moseley’s umbrella cocktails. Oh, and everyone blows off Tom.
Don’t worry, though. Lord Grantham decides not to off himself and instead accepts money from his servants, who have made sound fiscal decisions and invested wisely. Their devotion to Downton Abbey outweighs financial freedom, making them an aristocrat’s dream.
Canadian railroad, my arse.
Marvelous job, you lot. It’s rather dangerous to know that one could save 40,000 pounds simply by dressing oneself.
Season 5 of Downton Abbey premieres stateside on January 4th, 2015.