His Royal Highness, Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge, turns 2 today, and it’s anybody’s guess how he’ll spend it. Perhaps putting another X on the “Days ‘Til I’m a King Like Simba” calendar, or perhaps sticking Legos into his little sister’s ear to see if it will come out the other.
Either way, grandma Middleton will decorate the venue with whatever theme little boys are into these days – Thomas the Tank Engine? Henry VIII’s court? “Splendid display, pleb,” he’ll tell Carole. “Next time, please be sure that the bunting is made on tapestries rather than paper. This isn’t some knees-up in Berkshire.”
To celebrate 730 days of George, let’s go inside the mind of a young gentleman to discover what he really thinks of those outfits.
1. “I find it interesting that the three of you are standing there laughing as I sit here in a dress. A. Dress.”
2. “Good sir, boats do not a masculine onesie make.”
3. “Catherine made me wear cashmere. I told here there was a lot of manure at the polo field.”
4. “Does anyone out there want this ‘vintage’ POS? The fabric isn’t breathable, but apparently dad wore it once upon a time (see what I did there?).”
5. “Just…please pick me up. These knee socks are the final nail in the coffin.”
6. “You lied to me. You said that this was MY special day and that I could wear whatever I fancied. Does this embroidered shirt say ‘manly’ to you?”
7. ” You put me in this get-up, I give you split ends.”
8. “Who wears these shoes in the country? I nearly twisted my ankle chasing after a horse!”
9. “Mr. Bilby, I’ll give you New Zealand if you eat my shoes.”
10. “My smile says I make these knee socks look good, but inside I long to free my calves from this prison.”
11. “Catherine, my hair is standing up. CATHERINE, MY HAIR.”
12. “Ma’am, might I have a word about my wardrobe allowance? I feel this outfit doesn’t represent who am I and what I’ve achieved in just two short years.”
“It’s one’s f—ing day.”