You’ve done it. You’ve up and offended the future consort of the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth realms, and now you must sit in time-out.
1. He suggested I take a “walk” to shake off the morning sickness. In turn, I suggested he take a long walk along the M5.
2. Sorry, did you just imply that these were fake?
3. Christ almighty, it is positively dreadful here.
Edward: I told you.
4. It’s fine. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by “you look better today.” All is well. Where’s Maria with the Xanax and gin flask?
5. F** all, I see Fergie.
6. That man just called me Waity Kaity. WILLIAM, THAT MAN JUST CALLED ME WAITY KAITY.
7. I did make the right decision wearing this dress. I did. William said it looked lovely on me. I’ll just have the bathroom attendant killed for suggesting I looked “festive.”
8. It worked!
9. Wait, wait. How many condoms were used in the Olympic village?