If I’ve learned anything from glancing over the weekly rags, it’s that gold stickers are a fantastic way to trick people into thinking a headline is real.
Henceforth, I daren’t believe a word any publication states unless it’s stamped with a gold sticker (are you listening, Simon Perry?).
Every story is the same – Prince Charles is being skipped over in favor of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for the British throne because Queen Elizabeth said so! Camilla is jealous AF and swears she will exact revenge on the beautiful Duchess for messing up her plans to rule over the kingdom!
My favorite part of these tabloid covers is the placement a tiara atop Catherine’s head (bless Photoshop). And each cover will almost always show Prince William in his Colonel of the Irish Guards uniform (because that’s very regal-looking, no?).
I was first inspired to write about royals and the ruthless fight to rule after a few Twitter friends shared OK! Magazine‘s latest cover:
The cover features a photo of Catherine from a Bollywood event during her and William’s royal tour of India back in April. Atop her head sits a dainty gold crown.
And look! A gold sticker! Has to be real.
No crowns, but another gold sticker! The palace totally confirmed this.
If you didn’t believe them a few months prior, then OK! is definitely certain this time. The palace has confirmed that William and Catherine are the UK’s newest king and queen. Because STICKER.
Covering William and Catherine’s fifth wedding anniversary is for basic bitches. The Globe will see that anniversary and raise you a coronation! I think that’s the Girls of Great Britain and Ireland tiara sitting awkwardly on Catherine’s head.
Let’s throw in a picture of Her Majesty waving a finger in Charles and Camilla’s direction for good measure.
This is my absolutely favorite cover, and not because of the sticker (well, a little). Catherine’s head (and the George IV State Diadem) has been superimposed onto a photo of the Queen from the 1966 State Opening of Parliament.
Oh, and Catherine’s pregnant with twins? What a time to be alive!
Fans will recognize the head shot of Catherine from an April 2013 Art Room engagement at the National Portrait Gallery.
To summarize: No, Prince William will not leap frog Prince Charles to become king. It’s never going to happen.